Oh How He Loves Us
Comparison was an unshakable bitter poison that grew and manifested within because I always felt rejected. I felt I could not measure up, and I tried to prove myself in whatever means so I could be like the rest of them. It seemed that I could be happier being someone else because it looked like they had it altogether.
In this endeavour, I realised how tired I was because I was heading nowhere. I was moving out of God's original design of Joy, fitting into the shoes meant for someone else. Insecurity became more pronounced than ever, and I lost myself. “Who am I? What is my value” were founded in answers shaped by the world; by mainstream society that stated the must to have certifications, be rich, be a high flyer, etc.
I knew that I could not be like the rest of them no matter how hard I try. It led me to think that life was so unfair. I didn't want to have life harder than others. I hated injustice. I hated unfairness.
I recalled a time when a visiting pastor said the following comforting words as I was recounting my situation:
“If life is fair, we will all go to hell, because Jesus would not have died on the cross. Jesus was tried unfairly, and it was by the trial he took and the cross He bore that we can come into a relationship with Him and eventually be in heaven.”
When I felt injustice, I realised my Saviour felt it even more than I did. It is amazing how He did not lose sight of who He was when there was every reason to feel so. He know He is the Son of God, in whom God dearly loves and is well pleased with. That unshakable assurance and conviction of His identity as God's Son is what I always longed to have because I know I am His as well.
My heart wells up with gratefulness because I have my Jesus, the saints that lived before me, and the present family of God who understands. I know I am not alone, God has made me unique, and He wants me to be me.
If you are grappling with a similar situation, I hope you will come to realise how much God really loves you. His image is on you. I know it is hard to feel like you are worth something, but God will give you the ability to align your emotions with the truth of what He says about you.
You may go through bumpy and rough roads, but open your eyes and look closely, for there ahead is a beautiful rainbow. There lies His promises and plans over your life. Even if you would fall down, you would get up again and still see that rainbow in sight. He watches over His Word to see it come to pass.