Pursuing Endurance

I was reminded of this moment a few months back, when I asked this sister to pray for me. I wanted to receive endurance. And she said, "If you want endurance, you have to expect trials eh." I went like, "oh serious? Then bubbai I don't want this haha." A few seconds into my thoughts, I felt God break in and said, "take this [endurance]." So, I stood there and accepted the prayer.

Recently, I have been trying to pick up God's promises over some areas and regain the momentum to pray them into existence. Merely going into 2 days, the enemy started stirring shit. Mann, it was damn hard to hold and pray on. Every cell in my being cried to give up. I felt too weak to stand for the Master. I was defending my heart from becoming further hurt, but it seemed like nothing was working.

I began to contemplate if being a Christian was really worth it - you give up self rule over God's rule, your control over His control, stability the world gives over unpredictability, instant gratification over delayed gratification, etc. It was tempting to move back to the world when they kept singing hello from the other side.

As the enemy intensified his nonsense, my faith dropped all the more. I did not want to try anymore. I cried out for strength, but I felt none.

On Sunday, the church was singing "God Will Make A Way". This song had extreme significance since I had been holding on to Isaiah 43:18-19 in the start of this year. I had been asking God, "what is this new thing? I do not perceive or see it.". There were no specifics; just a call to keep believing that He will do something new.

I don't know how many people were singing that day, but, to me, it was as though there were a multitude of saints singing in one accord. I was reminded of Hebrews 12:1, on how there is a great cloud of witnesses surrounding and cheering me on in my faith. I felt God was strengthening me. But still, I felt like I couldn't run the race. Giving up was still a tempting option.

Just then, God spoke through my pastor. The minute he said, "do not give up," I lost it. I wept. I knew God was not despising my weakness. He wanted me to carry on. He wanted me to keep trusting that my timing is in His Hands.

Today, God encouraged me with this verse:
“We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light.”
Colossians 1:11-12 (NLT)

I came to realise that God's power is endurance. His power works in my life so that I am able to endure through sufferings with great joy. Endurance is for the entire journey, not just a mere moment at the altar.

So, yes I am still holding on to His promises. No matter how I feel, I know that He is faithful to bring His promises to pass. Will I still pursue endurance? Yes, with tears. I know that all things shall be made beautiful at the end of the road.