tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24138261457275536932024-02-26T04:33:37.446+08:00Christ is livingHonest thoughts, writings and devotionals by a child of GodJoy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.comBlogger108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-34900996616847571112024-02-18T22:00:00.004+08:002024-02-18T22:00:51.326+08:00The Way Of The Cross<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9bjWrP6mv7WSN88TCPAkiQAZADRIyuFnkkQkJjxgVYZe6xlzgbW0mzfVRU50Yl6QF3Nc7x4Ec5kbumeMsw4pUYRg21xaql8DToQD1cfq6vk-bV3ywaCUIuLgc5K7cp_QvnAlw4rOaeXe1zuTtImvbOTi3qTK1P4sxiTX66c3_ozhK2IKevNSo_X5F9Aw/s1000/8B0360F0-2029-4FC6-9432-F7791A0D08B5.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="1000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9bjWrP6mv7WSN88TCPAkiQAZADRIyuFnkkQkJjxgVYZe6xlzgbW0mzfVRU50Yl6QF3Nc7x4Ec5kbumeMsw4pUYRg21xaql8DToQD1cfq6vk-bV3ywaCUIuLgc5K7cp_QvnAlw4rOaeXe1zuTtImvbOTi3qTK1P4sxiTX66c3_ozhK2IKevNSo_X5F9Aw/s320/8B0360F0-2029-4FC6-9432-F7791A0D08B5.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div>The freeing truth is coming to know you have been living a lie all these years.<div><br /></div><div>There are many unkind and dishonouring responses I wish I can say in some people’s faces. I wish I can hate. I wish I can sin in anger. The ugliness and depravity of the sinful nature is such a tempting fruit to yield towards.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, because I am a Christian, and I know how toxic hatred and anger can be, I am compelled to ask God for a response. I hear the words:</div><div><br /></div><div><i>The way you respond is the way of the Cross.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>The way of the Cross is to be understood in light of the happenings of that fateful day. Jesus looked to the people who crucified Him and told the Father, <i>forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>Do <i>they</i> really not know what they were doing?! Well, Jesus said what He said.</div><div><br /></div><div>I don’t know how Jesus brought Himself to forgive. He was experiencing such excruciating pain physically, emotionally and spiritually. If it were up to me, I would seriously hurl every colourful language I know just like what I want to do now. But, He amazingly did not.</div><div><br /></div><div>He chose to forgive.
He forgave the men who hurt Him. He forgave and is still forgiving me, even though I know what I am doing wilfully at times.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, lest I think I am deserving of forgiveness, and as emotionally difficult this is, I will muster His strength to follow the way of the Cross.</div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-15998319898952231602023-12-29T23:30:00.009+08:002023-12-30T01:02:22.949+08:00Christmas Volunteering Trip Musings<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFEnhNRkbczw4ldt0cpM1BRUl7cy_TMhupN-3GPSYMa1CP4s5Dt9mWN6xAGPAHgqMKJKbQSJzX8n_mW_UGZ_7G6ZYgyAplbKh-0J0SWKUqJNeIqww8QC378jtp3wk6tJKtpSt0bJvpA8ipCm8SKEZ2Nwwl959wKzex6jIZhAEBjAyzzYxUXA_3E-r55uI/s1280/7F60C687-61A9-42AD-B877-99045EB0A322.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFEnhNRkbczw4ldt0cpM1BRUl7cy_TMhupN-3GPSYMa1CP4s5Dt9mWN6xAGPAHgqMKJKbQSJzX8n_mW_UGZ_7G6ZYgyAplbKh-0J0SWKUqJNeIqww8QC378jtp3wk6tJKtpSt0bJvpA8ipCm8SKEZ2Nwwl959wKzex6jIZhAEBjAyzzYxUXA_3E-r55uI/s320/7F60C687-61A9-42AD-B877-99045EB0A322.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div>
In the 2 days Christmas volunteering trip, my friends and I got to experience several unsophisticated conditions. We sat on dirty carpets, walked around wet and dirty floors, brushed our teeth by the tap at the petrol kiosk, smelt stale air and slept simply on the floor with a rug laid. If I can be honest, at some point, it was revolting and I involuntarily retched.
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As I was processing this with the Lord, my mind went to the scene of His birth. He was born in dirty conditions, in a smelly manger where the animals live and do their “business” in. If I was there, I could imagine myself having the same reactions like the above, because the conditions were unideal with a revolting smell.
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Yet, this is the reality of His first days. This is also the reality of the living conditions amongst the children, the special needs and the disabled, which is already way better than the past abusive and inhumane conditions they came from. Still, the saddening part is not these mere physical conditions; it is the reality of them being unwanted by their own parents and the society at large.
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In the midst of the saddening narratives, I saw the hope they carry through their belief in Jesus. Aside from the fun activities and games, the most precious thing I could offer to them was not silver or gold, but comforting factual words that they have a Heavenly Father who loves, wants and will never forsake them, for “though my father and mother may forsake me, the Lord will take me up.” The reality of Emmanuel who shares similar experiences is powerful to heal hearts and trade broken narratives, and this is the definition of religion He desires – “to visit orphans and widows in their affliction.”
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYD35bL81iwRPf_KSIzggYiDKJLK-Q3jiupwa-ZgiSgKHh5pu3TY22szr-bLLjz8QJ0WGoJ1DMdv3strVo5ePn1wcrFcpJpNb27-E-y6BKzh9Ob1oFNDYl44c58727XoUl-qEnr7HDKi7Cy3-67csIVE0yx3waBZfbmVXE3frd_VfJjs24O2EfSWAS6z4/s1280/59C51062-E18E-405E-A9D1-8958C9A65891.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYD35bL81iwRPf_KSIzggYiDKJLK-Q3jiupwa-ZgiSgKHh5pu3TY22szr-bLLjz8QJ0WGoJ1DMdv3strVo5ePn1wcrFcpJpNb27-E-y6BKzh9Ob1oFNDYl44c58727XoUl-qEnr7HDKi7Cy3-67csIVE0yx3waBZfbmVXE3frd_VfJjs24O2EfSWAS6z4/s320/59C51062-E18E-405E-A9D1-8958C9A65891.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br>
Also, I witnessed resilience of the local initiators, volunteers and children. They learn to stand up for what is right even if it is against the norms of what the world expects of them. They – even the youngest being 6 – cooked and take care of each other like blood-related family. The children gave us the precious gift of dance accompanied by Chinese Christian music, learned independently without anyone teaching or instructing them to do so. They gave laughter, love and taught what it means to be unashamed and express the honest need for love through the simple reaching out for a hug. Beneficiaries have capabilities and assets – if only we will see them!
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioLYqLUpfNOjReILMay4sXHN437mpT64HvOpzEy8uI-aUOIxWabgD_b9GD7uqjdHOC2jKRc1II0E4wZf3vFAXxBhOVbFWdHexroTUPw_7FrtPy6aksbiL0qhTHTNXbau2_LxEhpXZAnCUo2MbjYqzkywW6UiJsPcSvAm2bKR_LfLIpKZym578XvDJU-xg/s1280/1EABDB93-390F-492A-AB93-B5A2DC6CE22A.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="959" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioLYqLUpfNOjReILMay4sXHN437mpT64HvOpzEy8uI-aUOIxWabgD_b9GD7uqjdHOC2jKRc1II0E4wZf3vFAXxBhOVbFWdHexroTUPw_7FrtPy6aksbiL0qhTHTNXbau2_LxEhpXZAnCUo2MbjYqzkywW6UiJsPcSvAm2bKR_LfLIpKZym578XvDJU-xg/s320/1EABDB93-390F-492A-AB93-B5A2DC6CE22A.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br>
In all, I am thankful for the interactions I gleaned from this trip, travelling with peers who are like-minded with shared experiences to offer empathy, and Jesus who acutely understands and works through available vessels like us to bring the message of continual hope and salvation to a needy world.</p></div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-12476529518706514852022-07-23T16:45:00.004+08:002024-02-18T21:51:10.221+08:00Drinking The Bitter Cup<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3h4pvDW9mx1w5cRnpR8BEopQ5cNB4C6ttIyUY16CkBPXZSLLEuqsg_hG4LSg_TlaySgFsx-Id9gBUie6NADNwSKbozoMa6GpouDzNTnqowmUM3vwtHYqEMHis7FCzvjjKZgXsxE6rtqPe6I_x6SlXmWufyzwKOZU336MY6rtIaOqpESjKR5b-ve1x/s1920/switzerland-5318548_1920.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1920" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3h4pvDW9mx1w5cRnpR8BEopQ5cNB4C6ttIyUY16CkBPXZSLLEuqsg_hG4LSg_TlaySgFsx-Id9gBUie6NADNwSKbozoMa6GpouDzNTnqowmUM3vwtHYqEMHis7FCzvjjKZgXsxE6rtqPe6I_x6SlXmWufyzwKOZU336MY6rtIaOqpESjKR5b-ve1x/s320/switzerland-5318548_1920.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><i>Forgive not just seven times, but seventy times seven. </i><div><i>Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.</i></div><div><i>If you don’t forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>Has Jesus wrestled with unforgiveness? When He was betrayed by those He called friends; with mockery from the very ones He was dying for, the only display of relatable emotions I could think of was from Matthew & Mark’s gospel, where He felt forsaken by God. I wish there were more details - more of a peek into his emotional struggle. That is if He did experience any.</div><div><br /></div><div>With Him confronting me with the topic of forgiveness through verses and related stories for weeks, I wished I found my heart bursting with gladness or responding in agreement. Instead, I felt extreme frustration, partially toward the people whom I need to forgive, but even more so at myself, because I know I am not as magnanimous as I wanted to be. It felt easier to throw in the towel and stop putting myself in situations and conversations where I have to be confronted with this. But, I know full well that it would be foolish to not allow God to do His thing. Hence, as much as I dislike this confrontation internally, I make it a point to show up and engage externally.</div><div><br /></div><div>I find it hard to reconcile mindful and emotional forgiveness. See, with His daily beckoning, I bite the bullet and forgive mindfully. Simultaneously, my heart feels a myriad of emotions such as hurt, anger and anxiousness. If forgiveness is a choice and not an emotion, why is it that I forgive mindfully, yet still feel unforgiveness? It seems so paradoxical.</div><div><br /></div><div>Living in a sinful world brings an imbalance when right and wrong are placed on the same scale. Injustice and unfairness are guaranteed experiences. In the present day, children are still suffering from the effects of Agent Orange; corruption is still happening, letting some gain at the expense of others. Bringing it closer to home, what about the injustice that happens to us or the people close to us? When we think, <i>Lord, this isn't fair; I've been abused, violated, betrayed, etc. Why? Do I even deserve this?</i></div><div><br /></div><div>How do I marry injustice and forgiveness?</div><div><br /></div><div>There are many examples in the bible of those who have sought for justice with <i>an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth</i>. Moses killed the Egyptian; Abraham killed his brother who raped his sister; Peter sliced off the servant's ear to defend his Lord; some Jews bound themselves under an oath to abstain from food and drink as they wanted to kill Paul. <i>Unfortunately</i>, Jesus yeeted out this mindset with his iconic sermon in Matthew 5.</div><div><br /></div><div>As though being slapped once is not enough, I have to offer my other cheek to be slapped again. As though taking my cloak is not enough, I have to give up my tunic. As though carrying baggage for that oppressive Roman for 1 mile is not enough, I have to walk an extra mile for him. This leaves me hurt, naked and more tired than I should be, yet I cannot retaliate. I have to forgive, pray for the very ones who hurt me and leave justice in His hands. How counterintuitive!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am very much unlike God and know I need saving from Him who can change what my heart sinfully inclines to do and conform to become like Him. I lay down bitterness to the One who drank that bitter cup on the Cross; the high priest who understands every weakness I have, and with the little strength I have left to muster within, I make this succinct prayer to God daily:</div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>Please haalp.</i></div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-28815415157089363912022-06-15T18:57:00.008+08:002022-06-15T23:58:48.416+08:00From The Wholesome Moments<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLU97dYjNaa2rZFgBrL0-lLXyVt9DTf8Hnv8ZVC7qvYj8zKl0kMKHAVuxx3wxVrllxgHU9LtMCOb_Sn-LRjb40GX-XKJ-6V4wO7NKd2HLetqlZwDT8EPDCFTuWgGd7XrlroG5HrgWI_-lXkw0tpZH4IBNrcx25P-oXxSKsYoRdf-zR4bmK4PUbOFwl/s6016/jesus-christ-in-white-robe-reaching-out-his-hand-2021-08-26-16-26-25-utc.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4016" data-original-width="6016" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLU97dYjNaa2rZFgBrL0-lLXyVt9DTf8Hnv8ZVC7qvYj8zKl0kMKHAVuxx3wxVrllxgHU9LtMCOb_Sn-LRjb40GX-XKJ-6V4wO7NKd2HLetqlZwDT8EPDCFTuWgGd7XrlroG5HrgWI_-lXkw0tpZH4IBNrcx25P-oXxSKsYoRdf-zR4bmK4PUbOFwl/s320/jesus-christ-in-white-robe-reaching-out-his-hand-2021-08-26-16-26-25-utc.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />My dinner meeting yesterday was filled with really wholesome revelations. Though it was just the both of us in that 1 space, it felt like God was facilitating and guiding our conversations. As it is something I have not experienced for some time, and I am scared of being forgetful, I'll section my thoughts in this one post today...<p></p><p>------</p><div><div><u>1. Navigating Individuation With Biblical Sense</u></div><div><blockquote>You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. (Matthew 5:38-42)</blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/individuation-3288007" target="_blank">Individuation</a> is a concept I have been obsessed with. It came from a place where I realised I was so tired of being treated like a child. I realised how insecure I was when it came to identity and making decisions. I did not trust my thought process or voice. In a bid to search for a solution to this sickening problem, I stumbled on the concept of Individuation.</div><div><br /></div><div>I became a firm believer of this concept and desire to become my own person, grow up and be treated like an adult, even if others don't necessarily treat me this way.</div><div><br /></div><div>This belief was shaken when the above verses were brought up. To me, the verses essentially is saying, even if you feel the legitimate need to slap the person back or take your tunic back, don't fight. Fulfil the ridiculous demands of that Roman officer and walk an extra mile. Give, even if you don't feel you have to.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, do I fight to individuate, or no? Where is the limit? I have no concrete conclusion at this point of writing. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>------</div><div><br /></div><div><div><u>2. Who Do You Think You Are? (PS: Thank you Max Lucado lol)</u></div><div><blockquote>...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus... (Romans 3:23-24)</blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div>When I was younger, I used to place people whom I've held in high regard on a pedestal. If they had the <i>Reverend, Pastor, Cell Group Leader, Worship Leader </i>title, I would think that they are damn holy people. If they held a godly leadership title, they should have conquered / be actively conquering their own sins. </div><div><br /></div><div>This mindset came from church cultures I experienced. People would draw a line in a leader-member dynamics. The member tends to think that their leader have a stronger walk with God because they seem to have it altogether. It doesn't help when leaders don't share their weaknesses if their sole fear is <i>stumbling their sheep</i><i>. </i>So, when the leader struggles, stumble, and / or fall, we think, "wah, leader also can ar?" When a member falls into the same pit, we think "yeah, it's natural. This person is just a member..."</div><div><br /></div><div>This mindset was later shattered when I experienced the human weaknesses of leaders. It left me shell-shocked and disappointed.</div><div><br /></div><div>More often than not, I forget that leaders are mere people like everyone else. I think that there are different levels of holiness, and the scale is from Joy to Jesus. But, <i>all have sinned. </i>When God looks down from his high vantage point, He sees everyone the same - sinners in need for Him to save.</div><div><br /></div><div>Hence, we should not be surprised if anyone in leadership struggles, stumbles and / or fall. Instead, we treat them like our brothers and sisters-in-Christ, fallible. Leaders should not fear <i>stumbling their sheep </i>to hold their goody Christian image, but be simply be real as the Spirit leads. I have found that the moments I had courage to be the most vulnerable with a leader came because they were open to share first.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>We are simply like each other - sinners in need of Jesus. </i>This should be the message we are sending across.</div><div><br /></div><div>------</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><u>3. On Being Real</u></div><div><br /></div><div><blockquote>These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)</blockquote></div></div><div><br /></div><div>There are multiple days when I find myself in turmoil, struggling to obey and honour God in what I say and do. From my heart's perspective, I cannot see God in a lot of what I had and am presently going through. I struggle to reconcile certain verses in the bible. As much as possible, even though I hate showing this side of me, I try my best not to hide that I am struggling with this Christian walk when someone asks me about it.</div><div><br /></div><div>When I read some stories in the Old Testament, I find it lacking emotion. Think Abraham. When God told Him to sacrifice his son, he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. The account presented the information; not the emotions.</div><div><br /></div><div>So Abraham felt nothing? He was totally cool with slaying his son? Unless he was an emotionless father, I would imagine that he was struggling within, maybe even to the point of anguish. Crying, perhaps?</div><div><br /></div><div>While I don't discount the fact that some may feel faith filled and unfazed when they go through tribulations, <i>most </i>won't feel that way. And it's the <i>most </i>who owe this authenticity, not paint a picture to show others that life is great regardless if they are not feeling that way. Not to merely pride in sharing the faith filled moments, but the valley / anguish / struggle that comes along with faith.</div><div><br /></div><div>Because people will walk away thinking that life becomes bed of roses when you become a Christian, when, in fact, you will, and are struggling, but choose not to reveal just to keep your godly, inspiring impression to others.</div><div><br /></div><div>------</div><div><br /></div><div><u>4. He Would Eat With Me</u></div><blockquote>Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”<br /><br />When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance. (Matthew 9:10-13)</blockquote><div><br /></div><div>I don't understand why Jesus will want to associate Himself with me and be involved in my life. If I were Him, I won't want to have anything to do with myself because I am too broken, sinful and difficult to be around with.</div><div><br /></div><div>The story of Jesus eating with the tax collectors came to mind. They were outcasts, shunned and hated by people because they worked for the oppressive Roman government. They were dishonest and collected more money than they should to pocket for themselves. In spite of the public's negative opinion and knowing the sins those tax collectors committed, Jesus remained present, spending time and eating with them.</div><div><br /></div><div>The same God who ate with them is the same God who will eat with me and call me to repentance time and time again. He called me to the Great Banquet, and sees to it that I eat with Him at the wedding supper of the Lamb.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes, I wonder if His patience will run dry and He will just <i>thank you, next </i>me, moving on to another person who is more worthy of His time. I won't stick around for me, but He is still doing so, which attests of His gracious and kind character.</div><div><br /></div><div>------</div><div><br /></div><div>The culture of this world is vastly different from His Kingdom's. Perhaps, we have allowed it to seep into our lives or churches. But, Jesus has called us to be <i>in and not of the world, not to conform to the thought patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...</i></div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-18937159949256373732022-06-09T01:47:00.003+08:002022-06-09T01:48:22.206+08:00Don't Steal His Thunder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6xokFV6oQshO_iuedkfAX_XfNiwU_eq7D0Hp8u_VMcUQjCWYGS-TMSLOjyGIRKDFIGVhIBDSqbgM6v4FUopTPTLM5mJSabA2efvz-gIVaZQss5jvbLDvNUf6bnbtGjMpf-_HDS9NJBKzo7Fs4X3x2dPjrLcQJHONGzrS9vjKih8ur8JQ3gTFa8jVZ/s1920/storm-3041241_1920.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1296" data-original-width="1920" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6xokFV6oQshO_iuedkfAX_XfNiwU_eq7D0Hp8u_VMcUQjCWYGS-TMSLOjyGIRKDFIGVhIBDSqbgM6v4FUopTPTLM5mJSabA2efvz-gIVaZQss5jvbLDvNUf6bnbtGjMpf-_HDS9NJBKzo7Fs4X3x2dPjrLcQJHONGzrS9vjKih8ur8JQ3gTFa8jVZ/s320/storm-3041241_1920.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Though there were stuff faced today that was pure crap, there were great stuff that happened as well. As someone prone to focus on negativity, I realised how important it is not to let the enemy steal God's thunder. It has been such a long time since I recognised the obvious doing of God, hence I am going to document what happened today in this post.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhosSSUBvVqS-xhOa3i6eCA-oDF-l8uWJH2ye-n_t8Qz4HYWAeGpTtiU8LYB7CVl7B46jyhdzqyCVHsgnKkWMW8hbpUIjWglzh1eakZ46U8X5qjaFuu4xT4Ke62J1X3_6bKIUa1UKSQDKvr7ChMNK1efiruRETesnZiEHmzh7UluwvGob0q6F8VvCZ0/s1632/739883_10151434698057433_1269801465_o.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1632" data-original-width="1224" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhosSSUBvVqS-xhOa3i6eCA-oDF-l8uWJH2ye-n_t8Qz4HYWAeGpTtiU8LYB7CVl7B46jyhdzqyCVHsgnKkWMW8hbpUIjWglzh1eakZ46U8X5qjaFuu4xT4Ke62J1X3_6bKIUa1UKSQDKvr7ChMNK1efiruRETesnZiEHmzh7UluwvGob0q6F8VvCZ0/s320/739883_10151434698057433_1269801465_o.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Source link <a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10151434698057433&set=a.10150969468507433" target="_blank">here</a></div><div><br /></div><div>Just this Monday that passed, the speaker was referencing from Luke 8, sharing about the story of the woman with the issue of blood. I quote:</div><div><br /></div><div><blockquote>Brokenness is not in a sense that you are unfixable, but it's in a sense that you are so broken in spirit that only God can heal you.</blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div>For some time now, I thought I was unfixable because there was so much mess within, but the speaker's sharing caused me to realise that, if the woman can be healed after having that issue for so many years, so can I, and it starts from forsaking the "band-aids" I thought could provide healing for my brokenness, then turn to Him.</div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFGBUombe5LgwSU_mtqwL4tf_9qFgyLX1E-RuOjuNkkPMz5OcQLOMlsmjO_lAQhrn-KvSw9ajySjbogtHPW1DMliTq5PgOPn8qfN02_TOzki0kANYHcTsxwMYaf8H5xFCI2dIZ_BnFk0jDQCFb5QVgL0017jsUg4aGC5VQeaCv6Q4M_kG9vipYaK2n/s988/Screenshot%202022-06-09%20at%2012.52.47%20AM.png" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="930" data-original-width="988" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFGBUombe5LgwSU_mtqwL4tf_9qFgyLX1E-RuOjuNkkPMz5OcQLOMlsmjO_lAQhrn-KvSw9ajySjbogtHPW1DMliTq5PgOPn8qfN02_TOzki0kANYHcTsxwMYaf8H5xFCI2dIZ_BnFk0jDQCFb5QVgL0017jsUg4aGC5VQeaCv6Q4M_kG9vipYaK2n/s320/Screenshot%202022-06-09%20at%2012.52.47%20AM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source link <a href="https://fb.watch/dwBhEJzoA-/" target="_blank">here</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div>As I was speaking to a dear sister about what I have been going through, telling her how broken I was feeling, she felt the brokenness I am experiencing is going to be so great an extent that I feel irreparable. However, God will be like the potter, mending me whole eventually. We had this conversation in the late afternoon.</div><div><br /></div><div>In the wee hours of this night, I chanced upon this post in my feed, and the exact words of this post related to what I have been facing. It was very uncanny that the designer of this post would use a footage of the potter shaping the clay.</div><div><br /></div><div>This isn't just from me, but friends around who have seen me in my valley season for some time now recognise that God is obviously speaking to me. While I deem myself as beyond repair, there is nothing too broken that God cannot fix. He will hold me fast...</div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-51838700702562219222022-05-31T16:11:00.008+08:002022-06-01T11:35:13.678+08:00Connection - A Human Craving<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA__NZxPZgBNplRKwYeox7YejiArDzGOAXxugrvf-2vmuUVbBTWEwpoE3Iwa9feZ6mmjBbgKPrlT4j1G_KNJOIqvKCaKEfKnKcDVisCMxOILFS2lT-U3eRCzons_UiolYFY5EQqb-BagEkUeI0pMqd9c9zz5tPebIlu5-0NLAe2k3mpUiTkN3-j9ZV/s1920/dark-1850684_1920.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1277" data-original-width="1920" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA__NZxPZgBNplRKwYeox7YejiArDzGOAXxugrvf-2vmuUVbBTWEwpoE3Iwa9feZ6mmjBbgKPrlT4j1G_KNJOIqvKCaKEfKnKcDVisCMxOILFS2lT-U3eRCzons_UiolYFY5EQqb-BagEkUeI0pMqd9c9zz5tPebIlu5-0NLAe2k3mpUiTkN3-j9ZV/s320/dark-1850684_1920.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p>In the past, when I read news about spouses who found it hard to leave their abusive partner, I would be appalled that they would even want to remain, knowing how hurt they would be. It seemed very easy to tell the victim to just leave. It seemed very easy for that person to just leave. </p><p>That was what I thought all along till now...</p><p>There was a period of time when I tasted real family and normalcy. Fearing to be connected in the first place because of past episodes of abandonment, I was very apprehensive and held back to give my 100%. However, seeing the others put in effort to connect caused me to think that it would be unfair if I did not do so, hence I eventually reciprocated the same.</p><p>The craving for connection was satisfied healthily, all until it no longer existed because of external human decision. To fill that void, I started to think of a familiar environment that had some form of connection, but was toxic in nature. Though I knew it would not be good for my emotional system, at least I felt connection. That was what I thought I needed, and with the convenient excuse of <i>testing the waters</i>, I plunged myself into the environment.</p><p><i>I did not mind toxicity as long as I felt connected.</i></p><p>If I really take a step back, this feels pretty screwed up. Like, I would do literally anything just to fill that craving. A realisation hit me, that this is what the victim similarly feels in an abusive relationship. Though it is familiar, he/she would rather stick with it, because stepping into the unknown, albeit its potential good outcome, is a very lonely place to be in. The person does not fear the hurt, but isolation - that no one sees/hears him/her anymore. At least, when he/she is hurled negatives and expletives, hit physically, he/she feels a sense of existence and connection.</p><p>Today, I am learning to acknowledge that toxicity is seriously not normal even if some believe it is and project it in reality. I recognise that this is in their worldview as they are still broken, and learn to reject it emotionally as much as I have the consciousness to do so. While I have to connect afresh with much fear and trembling, I own a small sense of pride and rejoice when I attempt to take baby steps, opening up and relating with others.</p><p>In this journey, the most comforting part of it all came from a reflection about Jesus as Emmanuel. He has chosen before the foundation of the world to be reduced as a babe / a mere man, connecting with broken humanity and going through the unnecessary / risks for our sakes. He was misunderstood by his own brothers, hurt and abandoned by his disciples' betrayals, rejected by humanity as their Messiah when He was going through what they needed to suffer, etc. He even felt forsaken by His own father when He was at the Cross. Yet, He is still with them.</p><p>The Emmanuel who was with the wise men, teachers of the law, Samaritan woman, etc. is the very same Emmanuel who is still with us - with me today. Even when I treated Him like His brothers / disciples, He is still choosing to connect and love this pretty messed up, broken individual back to life. With His blood as the ink and our lives as the paper, He has never once put down the pen to stop writing our stories of redemption. </p><p>And Emmanuel remains reality, even when my heart is currently faithless to feel this way.</p>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-70517015784628557712022-05-19T02:17:00.003+08:002022-05-19T02:18:50.341+08:00When Will Sorrow Be Traded<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq2PYPzNw49Sa2h533T1zYLuOoTRfWVoVz2qQrDUj9IpU1BzeAY5XJ5eBe11y-0Xkuzr2RQ0XKFBTzTnPB1eQ0FpGZy8ic_dQ4D4-dt_znvRwUkX5ETGqRO5_yXwAbqIrNp9O-ZtJSDWeVrd6G2GTAJpd7kWIMNNHnJ8fE7pYrfk8PbqcpBYaYgZyy/s1920/53790DD2-5E8C-4D5E-913E-E6087A47E472.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1034" data-original-width="1920" height="172" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq2PYPzNw49Sa2h533T1zYLuOoTRfWVoVz2qQrDUj9IpU1BzeAY5XJ5eBe11y-0Xkuzr2RQ0XKFBTzTnPB1eQ0FpGZy8ic_dQ4D4-dt_znvRwUkX5ETGqRO5_yXwAbqIrNp9O-ZtJSDWeVrd6G2GTAJpd7kWIMNNHnJ8fE7pYrfk8PbqcpBYaYgZyy/w320-h172/53790DD2-5E8C-4D5E-913E-E6087A47E472.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I am not entirely sure what has been going on in my heart, but ever since Sunday night, I felt lingering sorrow, the kind that would not go away. It is as though I could burst into tears at any given moment. Usually, I would be able to kick the emotions out, but I found myself incapable of doing so this time.<div><br /></div><div>Upon chatting with a dear brother yesterday, I realised that we were in the same boat. The conversation went on where we talked about the disappointments we faced in church community, and how it left us detached and one day just stopped praying and spending time with God altogether. To me, what is the point of continuing to walk with God when I harbour so much negatives about His people? It felt hypocritical to want God. Hence, I lived my life apart from God, not considering His ways at all.</div><div><br /></div><div>How ironic that I am blogging about it here. Back in 2011, when I first started the blog, my heart was full of faith and hope. Now, it is the total opposite.</div><div><br /></div><div>It is scary to give up on something I know for my whole life. I knew God through birth stories my parent would tell me when I was younger. Yet, the reality of God dims in comparison as I think of leaving the faith altogether like many of my friends. I do miss community, but am seriously afraid of being hurt and disappointed. Navigating through this is really really hard.</div><div><br /></div><div>I know there will be more days like this, and I sincerely hope God rescues and provides a way out with whatever I am feeling on the inside. I want to trade sorrow for joy, but my heart is just not feeling this way. I just don’t know if I should even continue…</div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-55039190092569013232022-05-17T20:28:00.007+08:002022-05-17T20:34:42.004+08:00God Will Fight For You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN_Y16QHKM032uIRO8ZUl1GRzzWHMzF8b0QnW4Bibu3_Un3E8DGUopRY0CUKO5mf38nPS4oZZWyrTiJDziI0AdXmzH4ApGYCy9OO4s0x_--lzVdmkKNIkeUP3-3QiXp1uPGG4tGCAk2w7gIF3yPiO_JFOCIrDUDwY1FBG0anKsKPUEheAwA-jMfJx0/s1920/tree-3097419_1920.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN_Y16QHKM032uIRO8ZUl1GRzzWHMzF8b0QnW4Bibu3_Un3E8DGUopRY0CUKO5mf38nPS4oZZWyrTiJDziI0AdXmzH4ApGYCy9OO4s0x_--lzVdmkKNIkeUP3-3QiXp1uPGG4tGCAk2w7gIF3yPiO_JFOCIrDUDwY1FBG0anKsKPUEheAwA-jMfJx0/s320/tree-3097419_1920.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><i>Last Sunday, I came to acknowledge that my heart has been devoided of hope, sick beyond my own repair.</i><div><br /><div>Casually, I agreed to stay on for church service after a I attended a <i>home church</i> session conducted by my mentor. The minute the pastor flashed his sermon title as <i>Fight For Your Family</i>, I wanted to yeet straight out to go home. However, the PR Christian in me said nope, and so I stayed on.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Throughout the time he was preaching, I felt extremely frustrated, thinking that whatever he said was just pure bulls*** even though he quoted scripture. Deep down, there is this small sane Christian in me that acknowledges the facts, but it was quickly shut down by the jaded adult who is dealing with the feelings of extreme disappointment.</div><div><br /></div><div>If it is really true that God will fight for my family, where was He when I was suffering? Where was He when I prayed non-stop for reconciliation and peace in my household? Why doesn't He just flick His finger and take away all the brokenness, or just make my family miraculously whole? And, why must I go to a group home for 3 years, experiencing the love and warmth of a family culture, only to have it taken away because of the owners' burnout and choosing of the 1 child adoption?</div><div><br /></div><div>In the midst of all these questions, I felt that I have to move back home for financial and human reasons. Are you kidding me, God?</div><div><br /></div><div>During prayer time, I could no longer hold back whatever I was experiencing on the inside. The mask I tried wearing tightly to show people that I was okay, and to show myself that I was in control, dropped. I realised that I was not strong as most people think of me to be; I was just avoiding my emotions so I could choose not to open those rotten cans of worms. I realised that I was not as magnanimous as I thought of myself to be. I tried so hard not to weep, but I could not stop. Thankfully, my mentor's presence and prayer content was comforting.</div><div><br /></div><div>As June is approaching, I find my heart gripped with fear. What if (and I am saying if in the most optimistic sense), things revert back to hell normal, like the times where I tested the waters? I know fully well that I am not strong enough. I am not full of faith that God will fight for me, but I know I must trust because He is my only option.</div><div><br /></div><div><blockquote>Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life. - Proverbs 13:12</blockquote></div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-28896423875115079272022-04-15T12:00:00.002+08:002022-05-17T19:57:45.733+08:00Is God Really Good<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvn88Z3bP53l07pMgQc-OMzVSJ6CFxxXmLZn8jty9Lq4X96EIpm5ecOlrtQIHtSFG1TU8zkRK8qZYwUVbIL6ezvE4KOGa2stDYV4oJelhlF377a-__UbTJoJS7wHxBt-fpGg7UWgL_gRvbxmoK4XSAuhcCC0-yaZgUKNxurrskT6tMB8Z_E8QFXYpq/s1920/parking-space-1487891_1920.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvn88Z3bP53l07pMgQc-OMzVSJ6CFxxXmLZn8jty9Lq4X96EIpm5ecOlrtQIHtSFG1TU8zkRK8qZYwUVbIL6ezvE4KOGa2stDYV4oJelhlF377a-__UbTJoJS7wHxBt-fpGg7UWgL_gRvbxmoK4XSAuhcCC0-yaZgUKNxurrskT6tMB8Z_E8QFXYpq/s320/parking-space-1487891_1920.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><i>
I don’t think God is good </i><div><br /></div><div>This has been something I am feeling deeply in my heart but feel uncomfortable to express it openly when asked <i>“how is God good in your life”</i>. Having been taught in church and served extensively in a myriad of capacities in church previously, it felt very inappropriate for me to make this statement to anyone. Often, I will find myself PR-ing, squeezing reasons to tell people about God’s goodness when I am asked to because I do not want to look like the odd one out. </div><div><br /></div><div>Some time ago, I was approached by this gentle and sweet lady to share my testimony to a bunch of youths. I wanted to reject this gig, but the PR Christian in me said yes. Because of Covid, I had to sit in front of a camera by myself and record. What took 1 hour became double the time because I did not press record the first time. Having to smile and act like I believe whatever I was saying for 2 hours was frustrating and exhausting. I thought I could audition for MediaCorp lol.</div><div><br /></div><div>After the video was released, I received messages that some people felt the presence of God, were encouraged and touched by the sharing. And to be honest, I laughed in disbelief. Because here is someone not believing anything she has said, having no walk with God as it was just CMI, but people were still impacted. Naturally, I could attribute this episode to God’s glory because I know it was only Him.</div><div><br /></div><div>Today, I still question the factuality of God’s goodness. If he is good, why does bad stuff have to happen to me? Why do I feel I am lagging behind in life, doing catchup when I am supposed to already be having a career like my peers? Why do I have to be hurt by the people who were supposed to be the closest, and especially Christians? Why do I have to be disappointed by people so much that I now second guess and fear whenever I want to be vulnerable?</div><div><br /></div><div>There are a lot of questions I have, and I cannot find satisfactory answers to bring rest to my soul. But one thing for sure, the longer I spiral down without God, the more I think of ending it all, which is a very scary place to be in.
So, even if I don’t understand and cannot reconcile the happenings in my life, I still want to choose to surrender. Because God is trustworthy, even if my heart feels the total opposite.
</div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-80741759176308363192021-07-19T23:27:00.004+08:002022-05-19T02:17:57.066+08:00Fragmented<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTe-VUuJb7YSjAlV5xQyVB0B5PA9c00LKBJPLi46j87qQOm0VUb5x9qHmg-s8PGzK7oeI_5TmW8-A6XwnQivHfr9AQdbh1MLqgzLgbACjlGRWERHNmw3dY5IiZgD-s5goTC6dTEGoYd9M/s2048/dark-PLX86FR.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTe-VUuJb7YSjAlV5xQyVB0B5PA9c00LKBJPLi46j87qQOm0VUb5x9qHmg-s8PGzK7oeI_5TmW8-A6XwnQivHfr9AQdbh1MLqgzLgbACjlGRWERHNmw3dY5IiZgD-s5goTC6dTEGoYd9M/s320/dark-PLX86FR.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p><br /></p>
First, we have the KTV cluster that emerged. A lot of people I know, including myself, were enraged. Unfortunately, I found myself feeling this way, not because of the corruption and injustice of the whole situation, but the fact that Singapore may go into a lockdown again. <br /><br />Compare the SARS outbreak that took place when I was in Primary school with the current Covid outbreak. The impact of this virus has been so great, so much so that we have to term this <i>a new normal</i>. <br /><br />Then again, I feel frustrated when it has been termed and accepted a new normal. Since when was this supposed to be normal for us? <br /><br />------ <br /><br />This news has yet to settle within when another shocking news surfaced. A 13-year-old boy from River Valley high was murdered by a 16-year-old teenager with an axe. The crazy part - this has been the 3rd murder of the week for Singapore.<br /><br />Both news felt like 2 slaps to my cheeks, waking me up to the reality of evil and pain we experience in this world. It reminded me of this verse in Matthew 24: <br /><br /><b></b><blockquote><b>13 </b>Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. <b>14 </b>And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. </blockquote><br /><br />The state of the world has become so much more imperfect. I find my heart feeling more and more unable to bear with the world going in a downward spiral. Why doesn’t God flick His finger and take all the pain away? <br /><br />------ <br /><br />Simultaneously, I found my heart growing increasingly cold towards God. I have grown disinterested to fork out time with Him. Online church became accessible and convenient, but I felt the total opposite as I laid on my bed. <br /><br />Also, I felt jaded and disappointed from the examples of people who came into my life, held Christian leadership / were well regarded by Christians, but provided hurting experiences that left my heart in pieces. It felt extremely hypocritical to spend time with God knowing that I held this bottle of negatives that He wanted me to let go, but I just would not. <br /><br />It was only then that I realise this parallel. My world is spiralling downwards like this world. <br /><br />------ <br /><br />I dare not look nor accept His grace. Yet, the many years of church attendance have taught me that His grace will be there whether I liked it or not because it is a part of His character. Like Peter, even if what I can honestly offer is a <i>phileo </i>kind of love, I know that He will accept me in this state. <br /><br />He continues to <i>agape</i> me, and His hope is for me to stand firm to the end. Not with my own strength and faith because I obviously have none now, but with His. <br /><br />------ <br /><br />While I yearn to pray that wickedness and sickness will be eradicated from this world, I know that it is only a promise fulfilled in eternity. So, I pray for the response of my heart to be one that rests in the God who holds the comfort and answers to my fragmented thoughts.Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-6511510785878784902021-04-01T19:38:00.040+08:002022-05-17T19:55:34.186+08:00Why Death<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwZig5xqzmwqEuEXVa8om2jKmBGdLaGYHdDuXwozDXS9zn0FpPuQ1tYE94f8T017MrCi5EGMb2XL4ylmGMBYH2D9yAoWTc1o-jq6H_oDfOv6SEmEdgd7ZN8iybRKBgC4Gfo4XbOCCmN3_2f3vSCDqJX6TUHrDscVLKCKC8W6VCCpP25ljwm8brLQVX/s1600/PHOTO-2017-12-27-13-10-34.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwZig5xqzmwqEuEXVa8om2jKmBGdLaGYHdDuXwozDXS9zn0FpPuQ1tYE94f8T017MrCi5EGMb2XL4ylmGMBYH2D9yAoWTc1o-jq6H_oDfOv6SEmEdgd7ZN8iybRKBgC4Gfo4XbOCCmN3_2f3vSCDqJX6TUHrDscVLKCKC8W6VCCpP25ljwm8brLQVX/s320/PHOTO-2017-12-27-13-10-34.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div>I wished April Fool is a reality, where what I'm experiencing is just a joke and God can reverse death as a reality in our world.</div><div><br /></div><div>Just yesterday, my ex-cell group leader in the days of my youth succumbed to her illness. Having received the news while commuting on the train for work, I struggled to fight back a lot of tears. This was a dear leader / big sister who offered comfort and refuge when I was a youth and stayed connected with me even when I was no longer in her church. She showed me how friendship is intentional, where it goes beyond being in the same place at the same time.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most recently, in mid last year, we applied for the same NAS Academy course, and she was elated, telling me how she prayed to God for to have a classmate who was familiar to her. I happened to be her answered prayer.</div><div><br /></div><div>I find myself wrestling with God, unable to reconcile why He must take her away. In my head, I understand that He has His timing for everyone; I just hate that death, pain and suffering remains a reality in our world.</div><div><br /></div><div>And God, I don't know how to think about this. It is really painful, but I know You are a man of sorrows who is acquainted with grief. You fully understand. So help me, God...</div>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-64028711806219400312021-02-13T16:44:00.007+08:002021-02-13T16:52:42.224+08:00On Ravi Zacharias, An Unexpected Episode<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7pc9ib-zZIsVCpW9CHHxo1eOaRsMFGroiKp2jGSMxN5HYoKe64n0RRzgTe-78RV0JbEfKUKXgbKUelafvz-85F_qT7O9QAZk6L94Bt5OAB-2jYTE6UPb3drtg30F6_0GLeyFtZ5QJsLo/s634/39220032-9251781-image-a-11_1613149995685.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="422" data-original-width="634" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7pc9ib-zZIsVCpW9CHHxo1eOaRsMFGroiKp2jGSMxN5HYoKe64n0RRzgTe-78RV0JbEfKUKXgbKUelafvz-85F_qT7O9QAZk6L94Bt5OAB-2jYTE6UPb3drtg30F6_0GLeyFtZ5QJsLo/s320/39220032-9251781-image-a-11_1613149995685.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><a href="http://joylivingwithchrist.blogspot.com/2020/05/on-ravi-zacharias.html" target="_blank">My bubble from May 2020</a> broke when I woke up this afternoon with the first article appearing on my newsfeed, <a href="https://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2021/february/ravi-zacharias-rzim-investigation-sexual-abuse-sexting-rape.html" target="_blank">“Ravi Zacharias Hid Hundreds of Pictures of Women...”</a> I thought he lived a life well - that whatever he portrayed in public was whatever he was in private. What am I supposed to think now?
<br /><br />
I thought about the times when I admired pastors and other Christians who held godly knowledge greater than I possessed; spiritual ability greater than I exercised. The charisma they held caused no one to really question. They really seemed like good, helpful people who show to others outwardly that they wholly love God and do His works. But, if you get to really know them in private, you will start to see that they are as human and fallible as you are.
<br /><br />
It is hard to think, that they who fervently preached justice and portrayed themselves as godly to outsiders would cover up their inner intentions. They would sacrifice the innocence and dignity of others to get what they truly want. In the end, it leaves the other party hurt, confused, not knowing what to think, while they still go about living merrily with their holy masks. When one encounters such people enough times, they may eventually disassociate with the faith due to myriad of disappointment they faced in those who claimed themselves as so-called “servants of Christ.”
<br /><br />
Having said all, I do not discredit that there is / was an impact in their ministries. In the case of Ravi, skeptics and critics were won to Christ - something that not many ministries were able to do. There are many times I had doubts and found a sensible answer through the words of this man.
<br /><br />
As much as it hurts that our bubbles were burst in the past, today and possibly in the future, one truth stays the same. <i><b>The centre of our admiration should not be men, but in the One who has given them the abilities to operate the ministry - Christ Himself.
</b></i><br /><br />
As much as we will want to disassociate and shield ourselves from further disappointment, we can choose to remember that Christ Himself too held the disappointments we gave to Him when we walked in our own foolish ways. He drew us to Himself, and will still draw us to Himself, however wayward we become.
<br /><br />
Pastors, religious leaders, godly people held in great esteem, you and I, are all in need of a Saviour.
Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-75939444384837702032020-06-23T23:27:00.001+08:002021-02-13T16:45:42.290+08:00#SGworshipunite with Leeland: Musings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I sat through a night session today where Leeland gave a word of encouragement to the body of Christ. I thought that the question and answers section was really really interesting, and wanted to share it here. If you are reading this, I hope you will be encouraged like I have. This is what I have recalled from the session:<br />
<br />
1) You cannot change tomorrow or your past, but you can decide on what to do about today. God can redeem your past.<br />
<br />
2) We can find pockets of time daily to meditate on God's word. It may not be reading a long chapter, but just 2 short verses. From Deuteronomy 6:7,<br />
- When you get up<br />
- When you sit at home (i.e. have some free time)<br />
- When you walk along the road (i.e.g travelling)<br />
- When you lie down (before you sleep)<br />
<i><span style="color: #073763;">(It got me to realise that we really have no excuse. However busy we are, we can find moments like these to think about God.)</span></i><br />
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3) [For worship leaders] When you are leading worship, sometimes you may not feel as much compared to your private worship time. This may be because God wants to use you to lead people into His presence, and if, in your private time, you are usually undone, it may be a little hard to lead. It may be in the aftermath that you feel God's presence more than the leading itself. Other times, it has got to do with the hunger of the people. So, do not blame yourself and think its your fault if God does not seem to be moving.<br />
<i><span style="color: #073763;">(It is as though my mind clicked, because there were moments I felt it was my fault and I did a lot of soul searching. I have also experienced moments where the presence of God came like a wave over me after the worship session, but I felt nothing when I was leading.)</span></i><br />
<br />
4) We may face seasons of burnout where we feel discouraged.<br />
- It may be an attack from the enemy, or<br />
- God's indication that He is turning a new page / bringing a new season in your life. In such moments, seek God and find out His will / what He is trying to say about that new season.<br />
<br />
5) Writing new worship songs is not about finding new sounds / trying to have it fit into some genre. It is about hearing what God wants to say to His people in this season, as well as keeping your intimacy with Him.<br />
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6) Prophetic worship does not solely involve the emotions; it is also an engagement of the creative flow from your meditation of the word. Both the emotions and the mind come under submission to the word of God, and this is when God moves / speaks, which we term as prophetic worship.Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-18124025766328226222020-05-19T23:02:00.002+08:002021-02-13T16:45:30.907+08:00On Ravi Zacharias<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
My facebook news feed has been flooded with news of Ravi Zacharias' passing. Christendom will say that we have lost a general of faith on the earth today...<br />
<br />
I fondly remember him taking the stage in 2018 at Singapore Bible College. It was the only time I saw him in person. What stuck with me till today was not the preaching, but the Q&A session - how he answered with clarity, firmness and gentleness at the same time.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><u>An apologetic that is not just argued, but seen: </u>Has your faith changed who you are in your private life? It is not just a proclamation, but a calling as well.</i></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><u>An apologetic that is not merely argued, but felt:</u> It is only the work of the Holy Spirit that transforms people's lives. Build your convictions deep and walk closely with Him. The more you feel your faith in God, He will give you the words at the most difficult moments.</i></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><u>An apologetic that does not only rescues the end, but also the means of the end: </u>Have an utmost confidence in His truth. Come to terms with the word.</i></blockquote>
<br />
I regard him as a great apologist, not first and foremost because of his extensive knowledge, but because of the way he has lived, kept the faith even in his painful final moments, and exhibit such confidence in His truth. He has finished the good fight, run his race well and kept the faith...<br />
<br />
As I think of him, I also think of our perspectives - is there anyone we will look toward to get our next apologetics knowledge? [I am not saying that it is wrong to learn from others, but] I think this is the nature of us as humans - it is easier to look at a fellow human and follow him because he is easily seen. Will we, first and foremost, look to the bread of life, fear Him and acquire knowledge from Him?Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-2832523961495104932019-12-26T15:15:00.003+08:002019-12-26T15:15:52.905+08:00The King And The Maiden<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Suppose there was a king who loved a humble maiden. The king was like no other king. Every statesman trembled before his power. No one dared breathe a word against him, for he had the strength to crush all opponents.<br />
<br />
And yet this mighty king was melted by love for a humble maiden who lived in a poor village in his kingdom. How could he declare his love for her? In an odd sort of way, his kingliness tied his hands. He could demand her as his wife, wine and dine her with lavish gifts, impress her with his power and wealth, but a simple thought nagged him. Would she truly love him?<br />
<br />
The King, convinced he could not win her affection without crushing her freedom, renounced his throne. Clothed as a beggar, he approached her village to win her love. During his time in the poor village, he often felt depressed. The young maiden rejected his advancements and gifts. The friends he made betrayed him. People mocked him openly in the streets. Eventually, he was accused of a crime he didn't commit and executed.<br />
<br />
This story is a retelling (with a twist) of Søren Kierkegaard's short story "The King and the Maiden." It is a reminder that during Christ's lifetime, he too, experienced the depression, hurt, and rejection of a broken world when he renounced his throne and hung on a cross.Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-53871216524711014892019-12-22T01:26:00.001+08:002019-12-22T01:26:44.677+08:00He Loves Much • Can I Say “So Will I”<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Is there room for kindness if it will potentially beget disbenefit? Because of the fear of getting disbenefit, I find myself erring to the side of adopting a transactional mindset. I stop being kind because there is nothing to gain. Perhaps, to put it rather crudely, I stop being kind because <i>I am plain selfish.</i><br />
<br />
As the weight of this realisation hit me, I found my heart wandering off myself to heaven. I noticed Jesus’ attitude when He faced the Cross. If (or maybe He did knew) that He was going to die for ungrateful brats / a rebellious people, will it stop Him from dying? Yet, the amazing thing I see is His unflinching demeanour - sure actions that can be sunmed up in these words, “I will take the cup anyway.”<br />
<br />
The unconditional love He has shook me.<br />
<br />
(<i>Paraphrasing</i>) He <i>who knows</i> he has been forgiven much, will love much.<br />
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The issue is, do I truly know? Or if I do know, has my heart been prone to forget?Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-88871197737678239362019-12-20T12:16:00.002+08:002019-12-20T12:18:43.586+08:00The Father’s Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It had been a few days when babe the bird was on the tree, and subsequently went missing. When I was told about it, I felt really sad. Memories of me playing with the little one in the incubator, till I saw it grow up and integrate in the chick inn came back to mind. It had special significance because I named it. I knew God will take care of it as said in his word, but a part of me just wants to see babe again.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I shot up a prayer towards papa God, hoping He will hear this little request. I was not sure if He will answer as there may be other requests He was hearing that seemed more significant to answer.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Just 2 days ago, while enjoying my dessert at the dining table, I was rushed to go outside. I saw babe walking in my direction - coming home. I was told that birds do not recognise their way home. But babe just walked in and came back!</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Now, when I see babe, I do not just see a beautiful hen whom I have journeyed with in small ways; I see my Father’s realness in her. It is because He cares, loves and sees me to answer this little prayer of mine.</div>
<div>
———</div>
<div>
When babe went missing, I was simultaneously processing the feelings I had towards his act of predestination - setting me into my biological family. It felt that He had made a wrong move, was not wise and not loving. If He truly loved, why did He not spared me from going through what I had to go through as a child? It was hard to process then and was blocked off; now, difficult to recall.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It is timely that God answered this prayer, because it caused me to see His love in a right in front of my face way. If taking babe away and bringing her back was His orchestration and opportunity to display His love to me, then I must say that He is very clever.</div>
Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-75631395418308385192019-06-16T02:48:00.002+08:002019-06-16T02:51:06.342+08:00Again And Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Hypotethically speaking, if our justification is not “once and for all,” I can see how Jesus will choose to die for us all again and again. Even when sin is at work within, and we trip up over the same thing upmteen times, the Father is not like us who may glare scornfully and wash His hands clean off us. Instead, I imagine Him patiently waiting for us to turn around. I do not see a hint of regret from His eyes. Knowing that we will definitely disappoint Him time and time again, He will not have thought of reversing the clock and not die on the Cross. He loves with an everlasting, long suffering and unconditional love.<br />
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Jesus is the only one who is able to perfectly mean and commit to His words. When He said, “I will die for you,” those were not sweet nothings or empty words; He really did die. We were deserving of death, but He took our place.<br />
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I know full well that I will never be able to love perfectly like Him. He knows this as well and did not put the heavy duty weight on my shoulders. He celebrates my response of obedience towards Him as though it is my own sole will and actions, when it is actually His enabling through His Spirit granting me the ability to respond.<br />
<br />
I will never be able to comprehend this kind of love because it is beyond human to do so - it is a crazy love...Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-1376378478387315012019-05-25T16:35:00.000+08:002019-06-16T02:51:32.861+08:00Fighting That Monster<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWWYBP58tVTCwAj8kuLxzvEw9Z4JNY5XY03N6PxBWmlOBWPEu2FZeLtwlvUgS3HypjVHdsjDHv4505_Ob4xwW3J4eqtiFe_fCpU2uo1FvCd7OU4zIvOMi0HK6a76AvkWmmo1srWPII7b4/s1600/deb8d311-ca44-4c7f-b3e8-ed48bea88d79.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="769" data-original-width="1024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWWYBP58tVTCwAj8kuLxzvEw9Z4JNY5XY03N6PxBWmlOBWPEu2FZeLtwlvUgS3HypjVHdsjDHv4505_Ob4xwW3J4eqtiFe_fCpU2uo1FvCd7OU4zIvOMi0HK6a76AvkWmmo1srWPII7b4/s320/deb8d311-ca44-4c7f-b3e8-ed48bea88d79.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nope, no one is the monster in this picture.<br />
We only have the Metronome Monster in our class...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
At this time, I am supposed to study for my Mid Semester Test which is urgent and important, but here I am typing these things that are not urgent and not important lol. If you are reading this and wondering, <i>"Isn't Joy still working somewhere?"</i> it just means that you have not been updated, and I send my sincere apologies about this matter.<br />
<br />
To be frank, it was a big struggle opening up about this. I did not have time to really process till today.<br />
<br />
You see, I had a grand plan for my life. I wanted to prove on paper that I was a stable person. With my previous recruitment / head-hunting background, I thought potential employees would perceive someone by looking at their resume. There were candidate profiles I were holding on to that got rejected umpteen times due to multiple jumps of employment within 1 to 2 years. They were deemed as job hoppers, last choice profiles. I did not want to be seen in this light as the most recent employment I stepped out from was a short tenure of 9 months.<br />
<br />
When I was prayerfully considering the option to go back to school, I felt a deep sense of peace. This was unusual as the default emotion I have when I see aimlessness about my future will be panic and anxiousness. But, there was none of that. I felt the Father's assurance - <i>His big hands that holds this big world also holds this little me. <3</i><br />
<br />
What I was excessively worried about though, was the way people have seen, and will see me. There were a handful of encouragements and supportive comments, mentioning I was on the right track. However, it was muted by others who said that I was stupid and unwise. One of the "others" sadly included myself.<br />
<br />
I am extremely happy with what I am studying in school. I feel really privileged being under the tutelage of various experienced teachers. Besides the lessons that take up a lot of my energy (in a good way), the battles I face daily with that insecurity monster that lurks at random times drains my energy as much. I hear it jeering that I should not even be here as I am not good enough as compared to others, and I will be a burden. I think a lot about the reasons why the school will even pick me, and there were many points I could give to justify. Being a quarter of a century, I feel somewhat ashamed that I am still struggling with insecurity.<br />
<br />
In the midst of this struggle, I learnt that it is crucial to rest my heart on whatever that is truth, even if my emotions or others say otherwise. Instead of muting truth, I should mute negativity. Since God has placed me in this season of learning in a school environment, there is really nothing to prove or boast. Eventually, even if I become good at my craft, this is really still nothing to brag about because I know the One who has provided me with these opportunities to grow.<br />
<br />
I am thankful for Him and the people whom He has placed to support me in this journey. :)Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-81649815193517482342019-02-11T09:12:00.001+08:002019-02-12T06:31:53.486+08:00Who Completes You? • Dearly Loved<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqYU9UaoEpWmzssq130kglO1xY45eBSNi2lxi7MYH4QcL8O2MZzHH7namq9Car4GyJuong3EaUAr-woQSNDVAK14irlVWVWptB2r8oGYRpKOCTnS6468uL_UKY55jd2jyrgHcgXZ3uxIk/s1600/D081CE80-35A1-42E8-BD3A-76F85A318CF7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqYU9UaoEpWmzssq130kglO1xY45eBSNi2lxi7MYH4QcL8O2MZzHH7namq9Car4GyJuong3EaUAr-woQSNDVAK14irlVWVWptB2r8oGYRpKOCTnS6468uL_UKY55jd2jyrgHcgXZ3uxIk/s320/D081CE80-35A1-42E8-BD3A-76F85A318CF7.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
I recalled a conversation where I was asked if I had a boyfriend. When my reply was an honest no, it was met with disbelief. When they dug deeper and realised I had not gone into a single romantic relationship, they considered the possibility that I might be same-sex attracted, and asked if I was straight. They started offering tips on how I can escalate a romantic relationship.<br />
<br />
While I choose to understand that they might be really well meaning people, this also brought about the realisation of the mainstream thought. By your twenties, if you are not in a relationship, either you are not attracted to the opposite gender, or something is dead wrong with you. Hence, you feel the pressure to rush into a relationship (reflecting on my past experiences, I found the pressure to be very real.) Out of impulse, you may throw yourself to any Tom or Jane for <i>completeness</i> sake. You feel relieved changing your Facebook status and falling into the <i>normal</i> gang.<br />
<br />
The close proximity of the dates between Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day brings a double whammy pressure. Maybe, more accurately speaking, it may be regarded as a dread and sad day for singles - the reminder from your relatives and the world world of your singlehood.<br />
<br />
I throw some big fat questions for you (and myself as well) to consider. Why do you feel the rush to get into a relationship? What is sad and wrong about being single? Why do you feel incomplete till the other half comes into the picture? Will they, or are they even suppose to complete you?<br />
<br />
What about your loved ones who dearly love you? Why do you wallow in sorrow when there are people who loves you? Why must you want <i>that kind of love</i>?<br />
<br />
<u>Who completes you?</u><br />
<br />
I do not know about you. For myself, I came to realise in my early twenties that the pressure I felt (as mentioned above) can be regarded as false. I learn to be comfortable on my own. I learn to have some me time. I learn to look at myself in the mirror and admire my own face. I learn to love myself.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, I (am learning to) rest my definition of completeness in the One who created and perfectly loves me even before I knew Him. He is the lover of my soul.<br />
<br />
Again, I ask: <u><b>Who completes you?</b></u><br />
<br />
<i>Lastly, here is a picture unrelated to my thoughts - the Singapore bird (haha).</i><br />
<br />
<b><i>Complete In You (Parachute Band)</i></b><br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/XEUztyAdqGY" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
<i>So I lift my eyes to you Lord<br />
In your strength will I break through Lord<br />
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me<br />
I know your love dispels all my fears<br />
Through the storm I will hold on Lord<br />
And by faith I will walk on Lord<br />
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day<br />
And I will be complete in You</i>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-1250594873572131912019-02-07T18:34:00.000+08:002019-02-07T18:35:00.117+08:00The Heart That Holds This Little Stranger<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDMfhUtRgUQwSqKtOwhkEzHk6gSTrEx9IGpLB3yUrIyjKZrKJAWoLykeCXnvqE7QjyA6t-cJ56t3CYkWFksDOpELuIH03tudonKtgoFAAxpXA-qkulvGzq3-Ds0AVkFuogUkhGyxXBAUQ/s1600/6452AC16-72B6-40CB-B6C6-AD00A9DDBB6C.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1119" data-original-width="1125" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDMfhUtRgUQwSqKtOwhkEzHk6gSTrEx9IGpLB3yUrIyjKZrKJAWoLykeCXnvqE7QjyA6t-cJ56t3CYkWFksDOpELuIH03tudonKtgoFAAxpXA-qkulvGzq3-Ds0AVkFuogUkhGyxXBAUQ/s320/6452AC16-72B6-40CB-B6C6-AD00A9DDBB6C.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I am able to acknowledge that God desires a willing and joyful child to walk in obedience. However, in practicality, I sometimes treat the laws as burdensome and heavy, like a thick book of commands I must adhere to. <i>“Do or do not, there is no try. If you want to get blessed and not cursed; rewarded and not punished, then obey.”</i> - that was what I used to receive. Admittedly, I am the legalistic “elder brother” who gives myself close to no allowances for mistakes. I never really understood the heart of God who gives the law.<br />
<br />
Reading Deuteronomy yesterday helped me to understand God’s heart afresh, and I hope it will renew my mind, truly transform and translate in the way I walk with Him.<br />
<br />
In Deuteronomy, it is a second reading for the new generation of Israelites who are about to enter the promise land. Chapter 1 provides the context - the earlier generations never entered because of their rebellion toward God’s commands, and unbelief toward God’s faithfulness and ability to go before them and fight those giants. Moses retells the law to this new generation before his passing so they will be encouraged to obey and warned against disobedience.<br />
<br />
Fast forward to chapter 10:12 onwards, Moses depicts the heart of God who gives the law. God required them to fear, walk in His ways, love, serve and obey Him wholly - not because of what they could get out of these actions, but because it was <i>for their own good</i>. He delighted and loved them so much that He established them as a nation from nothingness. He upheld justice for the defenseless and provided for the stranger. As they were strangers in Egypt and received God’s rescue, He wanted them to do likewise for any stranger that was in their midst.<br />
<br />
God’s heart for their obedience to the law stems from His great love. This was something that Israel did not understand.<br />
<br />
<i>We obey because we love and have been loved perfectly by Him.</i><br />
<br />
10:18–19 jumped out. I saw myself as the stranger who was given food and clothing by non-biological blood related people. They extended the love they have been receiving from God to me. I was regarded as one of their own; a fellow image bearer of God with the same kingly blood flowing through our veins.<br />
<br />
I am thankful that the big Hands that hold the world, and the smaller hands that participate in His plans hold this little stranger. I fear I will forget and walk the usual but assured that He places more than ample amount of reminders via different means.<br />
<br />
And for this, I am grateful.Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-82646635864341890582018-12-24T13:00:00.000+08:002018-12-24T13:00:02.068+08:00A King Like You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahy20hwBOcjrbdsbptLii-V3cUfqu6hq8TJwitTCeoLNXCa1suTMwLkqgCkTPh4eDqKjOvDC-DGgCqpKxF6l09ariXcMdDMmHN_1HadjMlyXQH9FqGtYFG0wSJvpPztaMgft6vWsls98/s1600/5A05105A-31D8-489D-88C1-E9DDDE8CA20A.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="972" data-original-width="1200" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahy20hwBOcjrbdsbptLii-V3cUfqu6hq8TJwitTCeoLNXCa1suTMwLkqgCkTPh4eDqKjOvDC-DGgCqpKxF6l09ariXcMdDMmHN_1HadjMlyXQH9FqGtYFG0wSJvpPztaMgft6vWsls98/s320/5A05105A-31D8-489D-88C1-E9DDDE8CA20A.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
The manner that You came to earth<br />
Was not with a red carpet set by royalties<br />
But a humble beginning, You had<br />
In that little town of Bethlehem<br />
<br />
The proclamation of Your birth<br />
Was not announced to the rich or the powerful<br />
But to unknown three lowly shepherds<br />
With no fanfare, in obscurity<br />
<br />
The first breath of air You inhaled<br />
Was not in adorned Jewish Temples or mansions<br />
But in that pungent animal trough<br />
Filled with musty air of old dry hay<br />
<br />
The way that You have come to save<br />
Was not by violent overthrowing empires<br />
But the Father’s will, You followed through<br />
Took a death not Yours and rose again<br />
<br />
Is there any other King like You<br />
Nailed to a Cross of wood for all<br />
Came not to be served but serve and save<br />
Christ the Son of the living GodJoy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-6310728407182594252018-12-11T04:16:00.001+08:002018-12-11T14:16:40.356+08:00My Focus Set On Him<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Was learning the ropes of skiing today. As I kept my focus on the instructor who told me to move towards him, I could smoothly and gradually accelerate down a gentle slope. It felt great. Midway, I saw strong winds of snow blowing in a perpendicular direction across. Feeling distracted and scared, I fell to the ground. I could not really get up till he came to my aid.<br />
<br />
In a split second, my thoughts were directed to the story where Jesus beckoned Peter to come toward him while He walked on water. He was doing great with his focus placed on Jesus. As he saw the strength of the winds, he was afraid and started to sink. Jesus had to reach out to save him. He may have started walking on water in faith, but continuing to walk in faith is as important as the start.<br />
<br />
It is interesting to note how the winds did not calm till both of them entered the boat. Jesus could have easily commanded the winds to be calm when Peter was sinking there and then. But, Peter did not need that. Even in the raging winds, as Jesus held His hands, he could still walk on water. Jesus’s rescue sufficed. Looking to Him sufficed.<br />
<br />
I realised how easy it is to have a heart swayed to fear and doubt; to let mere winds move the focus away from Him. I hope my life focus will solely rest upon the One who loves me perfectly; the rock of my salvation.<br />
<br />
<i>Oh, when I am afraid</i><br />
<i>I will put my trust in You</i><br />
<i>I trust in God for what He has promised</i><br />
<i>I trust in God</i><br />
<i>So why should I be afraid?</i><br />
<i>What can mere mortals do to me?</i>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-42668312764821099572018-11-02T19:58:00.000+08:002018-11-02T23:19:56.118+08:00Among That 5000<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2R43BSnvtKVjLIeXcgtcHtG8-xyUUcT7ASg5aoAH7gOPm0I0EFyx3v9IrFjNNXzklEl7hiRvpql337RIFvNT-VaOdT5M-DulierltorEXvUab2Q2Y460YXGxhITGb_WnoAPG5cc2kApg/s1600/FDAE1596-A012-4112-965B-DC96F017B0CC.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2R43BSnvtKVjLIeXcgtcHtG8-xyUUcT7ASg5aoAH7gOPm0I0EFyx3v9IrFjNNXzklEl7hiRvpql337RIFvNT-VaOdT5M-DulierltorEXvUab2Q2Y460YXGxhITGb_WnoAPG5cc2kApg/s320/FDAE1596-A012-4112-965B-DC96F017B0CC.png" width="320" /></a></div>
Recently, I have been dealing with transactional and [in my perception] unreasonable people. I feel truckloads of stress about it because I have been trying my best with the demands placed upon me, but all I received was unbelief in my what I did for them.<br />
<br />
On a good note, these experiences are teaching me to make a conscientious effort not to place my emotions, but to simply work. There are days I wished Jesus will take me home. When I realised the need to force myself out of my bed, or was having recurring thoughts of throwing in the towel, I knew something was dead wrong inside.<br />
<br />
Today (like finally lol), in desperation, I turned to Jesus and asked if He has ever dealt with people like that. My mind was brought back to remembrance on the scene where Jesus fed the crowd of 5000. They were an unbelieving, transactional people who followed Him for what He could give. And, even after seeing the great miracle, they asked for more signs. How unreasonable!<br />
<br />
He understood what was in the hearts of men. Yet, He fed them and had compassion toward them. He died albeit their unbelief in Him as their Messiah and drew them to Himself. He loved to the end. I hope I won’t throw them <i>rotten loaves and fishes</i> (in their opinion), and I do not want to walk away from them.<br />
<br />
As I pictured the scene in my mind, I saw myself sitting among the 5000. It was as though He is saying, <i>“that’s you. You are -the crowd-”</i> It was like a knife cutting through my heart. Yes, I may think they stink. But, in actual fact, I stink as well. I felt convicted and drawn to repentance. Helpless at first, but later strengthened and comforted. Jesus has done this for me, and because I am in Him, I can do likewise...Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413826145727553693.post-50056651457468576692018-10-14T09:39:00.000+08:002018-10-14T09:39:40.226+08:00The Strength Of My Heart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>Psalms 73:26 (NKJV)</i><br />
<i>“My flesh and my heart fail; </i><br />
<i>But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” </i><br />
<br />
A few years ago, I chanced upon a phone wallpaper that featured the above verse. Having found the design to be nice, I downloaded it without much thought. In moments of discouragement, I would look at the wallpaper and find comfort. I never read the context of the verse till this recent time.<br />
<br />
Asaph is being attributed as the songwriter. In 1 Chronicles 6:31, 32 & 39, he is mentioned as one of the Levite musicians ministering before the tabernacle during king David’s reign. The lyrics contained his observations and emotions. <br />
<br />
While he recognised God’s goodness toward Israel, he could not reconcile that with the treatment of the wicked in his midst. He perceived the wicked as living in prosperity, peace and material richness. There seemed to be no trouble befalling upon them. Oppression and violence was a common place. They had no regard for a higher being.<br />
<br />
For Aspah as a Levite, he did not own any land and was sustained by all tithes and offerings brought to the sanctuary (see Numbers 18:20-21). He was following God, being chastened and ridding his heart of anything that did not please Him. Seeing the wicked having an easier life, he became envious.<br />
<i><br />
</i> <i>Doesn’t obedience bring blessings, and wickedness warrant curses?</i> That wasn’t the case - at least in what he was seeing, till he sought God and gained a new and true perspective about the eventual end of the wicked.<br />
<br />
I recalled a time when a man in his 50s (a total stranger) interjected a conversation that I was having with my friends about God. He encountered a victim of sex trafficking horrendously scarred physically and emotionally. Her predators were nowhere to be found. Perceiving justice unmet and the local church’s inaction, he started identifying as an atheist and came to the conclusion that there is no god. He challenged our Christian beliefs with this narrative.<br />
<br />
When the scales of justice is not balanced / in unfair circumstances, it is easy for our feet to <i>almost stumble </i>and our steps to <i>nearly slip</i>. But, God assures that the wicked shall receive their due. <br />
<br />
There are no easy answers to the problem of pain / suffering / injustices. Facing such times, we need only to continually draw near to God and follow Him - this is our part. He is the strength of our hearts and our portion forever. We can trust in His goodness.<br />
<br />
<i>Psalms 73:28 (NKJV)</i><br />
<i>“But it is good for me to draw near to God; </i><br />
<i>I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, </i><br />
<i>That I may declare all Your works.” </i>Joy (Aesther)http://www.blogger.com/profile/05827552896562496333noreply@blogger.com0